Is being healthy a utopia? And what exactly is being healthy? If you look at the dictionary, it says: health is that state of the body in which all parts function in the right way and in the right proportion. But health covers more than just the body. The mental aspect is also part of health. You can be physically healthy, but if you are mentally unwell, you still have faltering health. The reverse is also true: physically you can have all kinds of ailments and still function well mentally. Even then, in my opinion, you are not really fully healthy.
For me, being healthy means living without symptoms, living without pain and without noise and twists in my head. Yes, I realize that may be a challenging endeavor, especially given my situation. And admittedly, they are probably not in the majority: people who are physically and metal healthy. But they do exist and I know them too. Physically they don't suffer from anything, no ailments. Mentally they are comfortable in their own skin. Okay, on the outside, because you never know how healthy someone really is. But for me it is a kind of dream I have had for a long time: to become healthy.
It started in my teenage years. Before that time, I was already struggling with health problems. For example, I was suffering from ear infections with recurring regularity and we were making more than average visits to the hospital because something was wrong.
By the way, did you know that a large part of your health is determined in the critical period? These are the first 1,000 days of your life, including pregnancy. In this period the blueprint is laid for health in the rest of your life: physically, mentally and emotionally. If things do not go well during this period and you do not have a good start in life, for example, because you are deficient, sick or otherwise damaged, this can result in a long-term or lifelong effect on your body and/or mind.
My physical start in this life was not top notch. So that will definitely play a role in my current health. In addition, as a result of the PTSDmany health issues, which cannot be solved easily; if at all. But that is another story that I will write another separate post about.
In my head for many years has been the belief that I can become healthy by working on my health often and a lot. And so I faithfully take my supplements, eat healthy, make regular efforts to exercise and try all kinds of things. And I have visited all kinds of people in the hope that they could make a positive contribution to my health; lots of people! Just a list of some of the things I've done and the people I've seen over the years.
Orthomolecular doctor, sleep center, endocrinologist, internist, rehabilitation doctor, mesologist, mensendieck therapy, cranio-sacral therapy, Thai massage, physical therapist, energetic therapist, breath therapy, yoga, hormone therapist, mindfulness, heart clinic, MDL doctor, EMS training, psychologist, psychiatrist, gynecologist, hypnotherapist, osteopath, body stress release, EMDR therapy, massage, sports massage, dryneedling, rheumatologist, photonwave therapy, haptonomist, orthomanual physician, complementary physician, homeopath, paranormal healer, KPNI physician, regression therapy, naturopathic therapist, caesar therapy, gestalt therapy, astrologer, speech therapist, maxillofacial physiotherapist, ENT physician.
The list is not complete. Many things I have forgotten. Sometimes I read an article in a magazine or see something in the media and then I think "Verhip, I've done that too at one time or another."? In addition to the countless therapists, doctors and other experts I have seen, I have taken a number of studies and courses in the health field. This is because I noticed that I sometimes found it quite difficult to understand the advice given and even more difficult to determine if I could do anything with it. After all, not everything that is proclaimed is true; I found that out through trial and error!
By educating myself, I am at least better able to test information and determine if I want to do something with it.
I have since been diagnosed with several conditions: PDS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), Fibromyalgia (soft tissue rheumatoid arthritis) and PTSD. Not that these diagnoses offered me any solution. They did give me some peace of mind and the knowledge that I am not crazy, that I do sense things in my body and head correctly. More than once I have been told that there is nothing wrong, or that it is part of my age. When I write it down like that, I find it quite intense. At the same time, it is my reality.
In 90 to 95 percent of all the times I have undertaken something, my thought was and is "Imagine that ...?"Imagine that this is going to make me better.? ?Imagine that a cause is finally found.? ?Imagine that I am finally getting healthy.?
My basic conviction, the primal confidence that one day I will be healthy, is still there; even after all these years and many disappointments. I find that extraordinary. And I am also glad that it is still there, that basic trust. Because that is what motivates me every time again to continue my quest to become healthy.
At the same time, in my head, I know by now that it is an illusion. I am not getting better and will never be completely healthy. If only because of the fact that I am well past the age of thirty. After your thirties, the deterioration process begins and you only become physically less healthy. All kinds of processes mark the decline of your body.
But the feeling that I can get healthy, that is still there. Or maybe I should say the hope. Because that is a better description. I still hope that a day will come when I will be healthy.
My life verb, to accept, I have had to apply many times. Accepting that my body is just not that fit; accepting that this is what I have to make do with in my life. Acceptance is not a static process; it comes in waves. Sometimes I am very good at it; then I can be resigned to my situation and it is okay. Then again I read something, someone's experience, or a new product or method; and then I thinkwhy not, maybe it can help me.I cannot really accept and resign myself to the situation. Maybe that will come with age. Then again, that is an advantage of getting older: you are more and more capable of living autonomously.
So for me, I guess healthy is a utopian dream. At best I can try to maintain the status quo. Am I disappointed? Still a little. The disappointment alternates with feelings of resignation, contentment and acceptance; the process of life.
In the meantime, I keep on trying new things, hoping to find that miracle someday.
Can you relate to my story? Or do you manage to accept your health, to resign yourself to your health being what it is? That would seem wonderful to me.
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